I want to be a house wife!

I started working a week ago. Since my supervisor is on travel, I had a really relaxing start off. During the whole week, the only important thing I did was to meet people, say hi, smile, shake hands, go out for coffee together, ask people's names and then forget them right away.

Things started to change since yesterday. I went to the first group meeting yesterday. There were quite some discussions that I couldn't follow, including macros people use, protocal discussions, ethical issues, etc etc. That was fine, cause I told myself those were issues specific to cinical trials. People should understand that I have no experience in this area and will surely pardon me and give me time to pick up. Then I went back home happily. However, things keep getting worse. I went to a workshop today where people discussed data analysis problems emerged from some of the ongoing projects in the school. Those were dichotomous outcome with correlations embedded in typical (I guess) clinical trial design. They were discussing about pros and cons of GEE, simple logistic regression, aggregation aproach, ..... I got really depressed. Since I could do nothing except asking questions during the whole workshop. I could resort to the excuse of not being familiar with clinical trial again. But I guess there should be a point to stop, so that this excuse is not abused. This is the time when I "regret" that I shouldn't have decided to leave Bioinformatics after graduation and start to learn a totally different topic.

Such kind of moments have come and gone for quite a few times. It happens everytime I start at a new place, moving from suburban to city, going to high school, going to college, coming abroad, transfering to another program, starting at a new job. For the last couple of times, it had come with no exception, and gone after I had some short or long period of struggle, with no exception either though. At those moments, I had always thought whether there was another way to get out, but without having to suffer the pain of reborn. Right now, I want to be a house wife. It might go away again after a while, but I want to write down this long lasted wish before I start to look down at it again.