乱七八糟

昨天去买买提上找以前的post，结果看见20年前熟悉的ID们，很恍惚。那时候的Reader（书香世家）版很好看，是我最喜欢的版。另外一个常去的版是Memory（往事如烟）。现在这个版自己已经成了memory了。那个时候的买买提像是青铜时代。自从离开美国又回来之后，我自己像重生了一次，买买提也变得不认识了。后来很少再去了。

最近一口气参加了三个读书会，《Parenting from the Inside Out》、《Listen》、《Born a Crime》，可是自己却没时间读书😓，顿觉压力好大。书都是好书，而且正是当下需要读的书，可是真的没时间。

昨天Amy说14岁以下的孩子需要很多的时间无所事事，让他们觉得boring，给大脑机会整合左右脑，就像田地劳作了一年到了冬天需要休息一样。我觉得自己虽然已经是成年人了，或者谦虚不谦虚的说已经快成老人了，但是我觉得我也像是进入了冬天的田地一样，什么都不想干，需要很长很长的downtime来修整、梳理。当停下来的时候才意识到自己以前好勤奋呀！勤奋到了没有时间思考、失去方向的地步。现在跑不动了，瘫倒在地上，却觉得脑子比以前任何时候都清醒。

今天读《Parenting from the Inside Out》的时候读到implicit memory.

From the beginning of life, our brains are able to respond to experience by altering the connections among neurons, the basic building blocks of the brain. These connections constitute the structure of the brain, and are believed to be a powerful way in which the brain comes to remember experience. Brain structure shapes brain function. In turn, brain function creates the mind. Although genetic information also determines fundamental aspects of brain anatomy, our experiences are what create the unique connections and model the basic structure of each individual's brain. In this manner, our experiences directly shape the structure of the brain and thus create the mind that define who we are.

...... The two major ways connections are made are the two forms of memory: implicit and explicit. Implicit memory results in the creation of the particular circuits of the brain that are responsible for generating emotions, behavioral responses, perception, and probably the encoding of bodily sensations. Implicit memory is a form of early nonverbal memory that is present at birth and continues throughout the life span. Another important aspect of implicit memory is something called mental models. Through mental models our minds create generalizations of repeated experiences. ...... Our attachment relationships affect how we see others and how we see ourselves. Through repeated experiences with our attachment figures, our mind creates models that affect our view of both others and ourselves. ...... these models create a filter that patterns the way we channel our perceptions and construct our responses to the world. Through these filtering models we develop characteristics ways of seeing and being.

The fascinating feature of implicit memory is that when it is retrieved it lacks an internal sensation that something is being "recalled" and the individual is not even aware that this internal experience is being generated from something from the past. Thus, emotions, behaviors, bodily sensations, perceptual interpretations, and the bias of particular non conscious mental models may influence our present experience (both perception and behavior) without our having any realization that we are being shaped by the past. What is particularly amazing is that our brains can encode implicit memory without the route of conscious attention. This means the we can encode elements into simplicity memory without ever needing to consciously attain to them. 

最后一句话让我觉得不寒而栗。这是多么神奇的功能，但是因为不以我的意志为转移，又可以造成多么可怕的后果，而且它还是如此powerful!